[00:00] Welcome to The Ziglar Show. This is episode 482, and I’m your host, Kevin Miller. Today we’re going to grapple with the effects of failure on our pursuits, and I have a new show format for you. For many years you have gotten a clip of Zig Ziglar nearly every week. We now have the largest library of Zig Ziglar quotes on Planet Earth, here at the show, free for your taking. Instead of putting more, or repeating any, here on the show, we will be taking Zig’s quotes and using them as a topic to dig into and help you apply to your life.
[01:01] Today I have one of my new co-hosts with me, Michelle Prince, who you heard in episode 480. We asked Christopher Lochhead from episode 479 to share the Ziglar quote that most impacted him. We’ll play that clip for you, then we did something interesting. We took the quote and posted it on the Ziglar Facebook page that is nearing 4.5 million fans, and got some incredible, candid comments. Michelle and I are using these real-world situations as our focal point.
[02:43] Leave a rating and review in iTunes
[03:04] To kick us off, Michelle, what about you…where have you struggled with failure?
[03:10] Where have I not struggle with failure is probably the better question. Because, you know, as a mom, as a wife, as a business owner, friend, daughter, and all that, I have been a failure in each and every area. But I was really thinking that this is the topic we can all relate to. And my biggest failure, in my mind, actually happened when I was in high school. To make a long story short, I had planned for years to go to a certain college, University of Texas. So I applied to only one college — that is UT — and in the same year I got a letter and it was the rejection letter. That surely is a failure, but this failure led me to my future.
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[08:10] OK, so here is our jumping-off point, a clip from business rock star and co-author of Play Bigger and our guest in show #479, Christopher Lochhead.
[08:30] Christopher starts speaking.
[09:22] So a huge thanks to Christopher for that, and folks, again, we took that quote: “Make failure your teacher, not your undertaker.” Posted it on the Ziglar Facebook page and asked people about their challenges in dealing with failure. I hand-selected some I believed many of you — and myself! — can relate to. Here is the first:
[09:49] Colleen Alba: Yes! I am 52 and I only know the basics in computers. I need to pursue my BSN to keep my job, but I really don’t know all of the “tech” skills needed to get through school reports, etc.
[10:05] And she right away got a comment on Facebook. The comment was from Donald W Mann: Hi, Colleen. I hope I can encourage you in this… In my upbringing I heard toxic messages meant to limit who God intended us to be. I made the big mistake of allowing society’s standards to dictate the success I would never reach. Then I went to one of Zig’s conferences and decided to invest in positive thinking and subsequent action. I’m loving life and don’t plan on slowing down anytime soon. Went to nursing school at 46 and in January I will begin medical school. So excited! You’re never too old.
[10:50] Dieudonné Alexandre: You can’t imagine the effects of your comment on me, madam. I’m 22. Last year I went to an engineering school, but I failed. I always have a little voice in my head saying “you’re getting old.” and that “things are too difficult, you can’t do it.”
[11:09] 52, 46, 22. Honestly, I understand. At 46 I’ve admittedly achieved a lot, when I step back and look at it. But, in comparison to my overall aspirations, sometimes I get a little dismayed and think…”this is all I’ve done at my age?”
[11:31] What thoughts did it bring up for you, Michelle?
[11:35] So many. First of all, whenever I get discouraged — I am in a similar age, you know, Kevin. It is easy to think, “Gosh, this is the highest in my career goal.” But whenever I need courageous thoughts like that, I just think of Zig. You know, Zig’s whole life, his whole career, didn’t take off till he was 46. At that point of life, he never really saw speaking engagements. So it is true: a lot of time we think that we may not hit success in our 20s, 30s, and that is so not true.
[13:56] Best advice I ever heard was…let’s take getting a degree. Or like Donald, who is 46 and going after med school, if it’s four years, then three years’ residency? Seven years. He’ll then be 53. If he doesn’t, in seven years, he’ll still be 53 and what will he have done? Where will he be? The time will still pass. And at 53, what if he spends 20 years, two decades, doing what he desires? That is a lifetime! I will never have spent that much time doing one thing, never have, never will.
[15:06] Amanda Hoaglin. Yes, I had a moral failure. I tried to dress it up pretty and put a bow on it, but it led to my life stalling out and not moving forward in any way. I keep hoping for the “light at the end of the tunnel” testimony to make my mess become a message to help others through, but I’m still feeling stuck, more or less. I think it boils down to a worthiness issue now.
[15:33] That is deep, and…difficult. I’ve just recently walked closely with a friend whose spouse had a moral failure. On one hand I’d say it’s one of the harder things to overcome, but if overcome, one of the most beautiful testimonies.
[15:56] It’s one of the things hardest to receive grace for, and I’d seek out people who have been through it, on both sides. Find support and counsel.
[16:11] I’ve had friends in Alcoholics Anonymous and Sexaholics Anonymous.
[16:16] You have to make peace, you may have caused someone irreparable harm. Period. No taking it back. It’s a wound and a scar that person will have to live with, just as you will.
[16:32] But Jesus, with the woman who committed adultery and was to be stoned, said, “He who is without sin cast the first stone.” That’s a favorite of mine, because I have an inherently judgmental spirit and that cuts it off at the knees. It doesn’t excuse it. He said, “Go, and sin no more,” but it also points out that whoever was hurt, has and is and will hurt others. They aren’t god or saints.
[16:59] You being wounded and crippled and living in shame and nothing the rest of your life doesn’t help them, and it hurts everyone else. You can bless others like crazy, but not from living in shame and defeat and failure. Grace, for yourself.
[17:20] Show 476 with Dr. Kristin Neff on self-compassion. Or search her name and her TED talk.
[17:45] You know, Amanda’s story has moved me. For one, she has the courage to speak of that and, two, everyone has the moral failure; you know it is kind of based on yes, it is something, but someone else has something bigger. I always remember what Zig said, “Failure is an event, not a person.” Maybe we made a mistake or two, but it doesn’t mean we are a failure; it just means that you are human. Forgiveness is a peace thing here. You have to learn to forgive yourself.
[19:15] WHAT TO BE WHEN I GROW UP
[19:21] Paul Kleinberger. Me? My challenge is/was I have never known what I want to be when I grow up! Thus, I have had several start-overs at entry level positions and have been told that I was “too old” or didn’t fit the profile for promotion as I started/tried to start up the ladder. That led to frustration and the internal desire to try something new…lots of success, broad background of experience, unusual skill set, often hired but rarely allowed to strut my stuff.
[19:50] Honestly speaking about you Michelle, when you were on the show, talking about your book, and told us how you help people who have no idea what to write in the book. I hope what you have done with them is relevant here to this topic.
[20:20] Yes, Tom, I have a thought: You know, passion is such a huge, huge thing. There are so many things that we can’t do, things we are good at, so sometimes it is hard to go beyond the basics of success. So, I would like to tell Paul to remember all the jobs he has done, did he enjoy them all? If not, maybe that is the reason he didn’t get promoted. But I also recommend you to take a break from this. Just because you are not getting promotion in a job, that doesn’t mean you are not promotable.
[28:53] Teboho Kgoitsimang Tsutsubi. Yes. I know what I want, and through trial and error I know how to get there. I know what I should do, and I always talk myself into doing it, but I don’t. I have tried every way possible “to do what should be done, whether I feel like it or not” as Brian Tracy puts it. I’m reading books on discipline, listening to motivation, practicing meditation, have a personal assistance app, and everything else I can think about, but still not doing it. Please help.
[29:24] I am gonna give you good company here, and I just keep getting pulled back by the Bible apostle Paul, in Romans 7:15, New King James Version (NKJV) 15 says, “For what I am doing, I do not understand. For what I will to do, that I do not practice; but what I hate, that I do.” And, honestly, there are behavioral economics that I am involved in. It is a method of economic analysis that applies psychological insights into human behavior to explain economic decision-making.
[31:15] This is definitely a topic that I love. I will just go through really quick. I have four tips. Once you can get a handle on it, it will change your life. The first thing is figure out why. And the second thing is that you have to apply a little bit of discipline. The next one is go back to the time when you were really excited about something.
[37:54] Aaron Benefiel. Yes. I am a 30-years-old divorced father raising three children. I currently own an electrical business I started eight years ago, and went full time with five years ago. I got into the insurance industry recently, and want to pursue that due to physical health restrictions in the electrical field. The biggest fear is letting go of my “bread and butter” job, even though it keeps me in constant agony and pain, to go all-in on the insurance sales, even though I have seen the proof of my potential in that field for income. My biggest factor helping me drive forward are those around me. Surrounding myself with positive people who know my heart and support me, knowing what I truly desire and who are like minded.
[38:52] And those are the exact words I will use. In fact ,for years I was stuck exactly where Aaron is. And, hopefully, I can give you some hope on this. After I started my career working with Zig Ziglar, I left to persue a career in software sales, you know, to be more successful, make more money and all this. I was miserable in that time. And I was in it for about 13 years. After like 10 years, I really felt the desire of doing this, what I am doing now, you know, like writing a book, encouraging people. And when I did, when I launched my book, I was so excited to do the first thing — that is, to quit my job. I hated that, but it was the golden handcuff. I needed the income to support my family and goals. So you have to look at it that way. So, Aaron, I kept my job, my full-time job, for many years while I built towardr my dream business. But now I get to do this, I get to do this full-time. Maybe it is a shift, the way you see it.
[44:38] We will talk about this more in our next show, 483 with Josh Spodek. I won’t say it is a health focus show, but it looks like getting ourselves to know what to do and what not to do. He uses physical fitness and exercise. It will be good analogy and powerful for all of us. Thank you all for sharing this.