[00:43] Welcome to the Ziglar show. This is episode number 462. Have you ever been disappointed by unmet expectations? Have you ever had setbacks that you can’t control? Would you like to know how to have big goals and expectations, yet handle them well and stay positive when things don’t work out like you have expected? That’s a big deal. And today we bring you life coach Christine Hassler, author of Expectation Hangover. The tagline is free yourself from your past, change your present and get you what you really want. Who doesn’t want to hear more about that. So if you are encouraging by the Ziglar message of hoping inspiration, truly want to inspire your true performance, you really wanna pay close attention to this show.
[02:18] Hi everyone, I am Kevin Miller, your host of the Ziglar show. So few months ago I asked for request on interviewees on the Ziglar show. We got some strong voices to have Christine Hassler on the show. So I looked her up and right away intrigued by her book and platform. And I also saw she has a large group of followers and testimony and her message is on high demand. I contacted Christine right away. This interview is really strong. This show is highly relevant for everyone. And hits this issue of dealing and overcoming and avoiding unmet expectations in really a revolutionary way. So you are about to have your true performance, really inspired and equipped.
[06:12] Christine Hassler is the best selling author of the three books, most recent one is ‘Expectation Hangover’, free yourself at past, change your present and get what you really want. She left her successful job as a Hollywood agent to pursue a life she could be passionate about. She has been teaching and inspiring people around the world. You can find more stuff, signup for the newsletter and more good stuffs online at chrsitinehassler.com. Here then I bring you Christine Hassler.
[07:16] Christine you are here because you are pulling our audience, you are recommended to us, also we need some incredible woman here because my wife said that we are a little lower on the female side than the men side. Lots of people recommended you and that is why you are here.
[08:26] Back in 2005, when I was out for my first book proposal, I was shopping around, everyday he just called me about all the rejections. By the time I got 29 rejections I was in the tears. I hate rejections and I said to him that I just can’t take this anymore, so just stop, I don’t want anymore rejections. And he said do you know who is Zig Ziglar and I said no. He said that do you know he got 30 rejections on his first book and if he would had stopped there, he would not become a legend. And I thought that I have to figure out who this Zig Ziglar is and so I went and research. And then I realize that if that book can get 30 rejections then I should have stick to mine.
[10:00] You made a statement as we were talking and I asked about the focus here and inspiring our true performance and I wanna read what you gave me. We need to be connected to the truth of who we are. We need to let go of limited self believes, turn down the voice of the inner critic, drop mask of who we think we are supposed to be. It is easier for people to relate to one and other sometimes. Give me your thoughts on that as you are working on this field.
[11:05] What I have really seen is that every human is struggling with some core misunderstanding. Something like, I am not enough, I am not deserving, I am not lovable, I am broken in some way. And we seem to form these stories about us in a very young age. And then things happen and the brain hangs on to negativity. And we kind of remember all the hard things, challenging things and the positive things don’t stick as much. And so we forgotten about the truth of who we are. A lot of people come and ask me that I want to learn how to love myself, I want to learn who I am. So we know the truth, it is there underneath all the protection walls we build up.
[13:46] One of three things happen, first is life does not go according to our plan, we sat a goal we have a plan and it doesn’t happen according to our expectations or life does go according to our plan, we achieve some goal or life just thrilled us with total unexpected calls the one which is not desirable.
[14:30] Okay, so sticking with the book, I saw that cover and then I turned it over and my next question come right off from the back cover. It says that we all face setbacks, we cannot control, yet we often forget that we had a choice of how to handle the setbacks. My question to you is though, do you find some people that there are not going back, they were never exposed to this, they are not the part of their upbringing.
[15:25] A lot of time people think they are being punished, victimized, or having bad luck, but really if things are not going as we are planned, actually we are not being punished, we are getting the opportunity of learning a valuable lesson though.
[22:16] What you are talking about is curiosity. Where people call themselves unnecessary suffering, is when they made a heavy expectation hangover. They go I did wrong, I am a loser, they just beat themselves up and the inner critic comes and criticizing, criticizing and criticizing. A lot of people use self criticism as motivation. They think the harder I will be on myself, I am gonna do better. And being curious, you will ask yourself how can I do better, how can I be better. So there will be place to do grow.
[27:22] You mentioned a little bit ago people’s desire for certainty and issues there, actually you said in this book that managing your expectation is not about lowering your standards. You know that secret of success is lowering your expectations. So when you talk about managing your expectations, it feels like your Christine is saying that no we want you to have keep and accelerate high expectations, yes?
[28:33] It is kind of symmetric as expectation is the eager anticipation to something happens. And to me having expectation is not that empowering. So here is how I like to think about it. What I am talking about is the relationship with other people. I like to talk about two things people and goals. So I am talking about expectations with other people. I wanna have awesome relationships. I have high standards in communications and authenticity when it comes to people in my life. I know who in my life I can go for what. Instead of expecting someone all of a sudden to change. And I see this happen to people often is that they are expecting that person to change rather than accepting for who they are and finding what they need for other people.
[35:23] Eating healthy is not always easiest thing to do, being in shape is not always easiest thing to do, having a clean mind and positive mindset is not always easy, talking about the brain is kind of wired more to negativity, it is a survival skill, but we got a responsibility to be diligent and disappoint about it, because that really is which gives us power and freedom.
[37:43] Let me test something that I learned recently. We do a lot of goal setting and of course I think a great goal is to put a right thing into your mind and can control what’s goes in. And then I learned only 3% are actually following the written goals. And so what I heard is I don’t know if it is validate or not but it makes sense. It said that only about 20% really get excited about setting goals of the whole population. But only 3% of the whole population follows the goals. So here is the question for you. If you really believe that the new mindset can change your lives, what if you made up based on who you are because if you are not goal motivated, the goal of getting a new mindset is so far away from you.
[42:00] So I wanna ask something coming back just on expectation. Moving on to the Zig’s message of positive and negative effects of our upbringings. But in chapter two of your book you talked about this and you also outlined the other areas that worked a lot to shape up our expectation. What are some others main pillars, main influences in our lives that shape our expectations other than upbringing?
[43:10] We consistently taking the information so obviously yes, our parents play a huge role in our lives. But so do our pears. So I believe in order to be happy I need to be successful. And successful looked in certain ways. And my version of success today is very different from the version of success I remember in my twenties. That version of success was defined by other people. It wasn’t my own version of success. And in part of personal development is not only aware of what we think but what we allowed to comment.
[45:00] My grandparents grown up in 30s, my parents in 60s, I in 80s, may be you in 90s but social ling culture expectation is of course have always existing. Do you see the reality of manifestation of expectation is different in today’s world?
[45:25] I think the main difference is comparison. I think comparison is toxic right now because there is so many different ways we can grab this and look at what everybody else is doing and feel ourselves in less than others, and it is toxic.
[49:43] I think the part of me which motivated me in my first book is realizing that who I am projected to the outside world instead of who I am was different. And I think what people like in me is how they want me to be. I kind of created myself.
[52:05] I believe that every disappointment is giving us an opportunity to achieve something. Like disappointment is not just random thing happen to us. And like I said earlier is that in those times when we feel out of control, that is when we are open to learning something new.
[54:30] I think the other thing that leveraging disappointment really means is often we so try to control our path, you know where we are going in life and in what direction we are heading, that often leveraging disappointment is that it opens a new door. And it senses at a new direction.
[1:00:06] The number one thing which you have in expectation hangover is to moving to in acceptance as quickly as possible. That’s the healthiest thing to do is to stop fighting against it but I am gonna accept that it is happening. When you fight with the reality you only loose one hundred percent of time. So as I accepted now the question is what do am I learning.