Today I have something new for you. Zig Ziglar is revered as the Father of Inspiration, which fuels human performance. The profession he taught and trained was sales, which is the art of influencing others. He was also a man of great faith and devotion to a higher calling…the calling of Jesus, in Zig’s case — and mine, as well.
Zig endeavored to propel us all to great success in our lives. But what does success matter…without strong, meaningful, loving relationships?
This brought him to a consistent focus on parenting and marriage.
Today I bring you a clip from Zig discussing courtship after marriage. For you younger folks…that’s dating.
If you’re not married, listen in. You can avoid some of the valleys, or at least their depth, by getting a clue NOW.
And today I have a special guest to dig into this topic.
I’m sitting in the studio, side by side with one of the brightest, most intriguing and insightful people I’ve ever known. She’s been married for 23 years; she’s birthed seven kids and is adopting more — all of whom she homeschooled for part or all of their education. She’s currently finishing up her masters in developmental psychology and works in child research at the Gibson Center for Developmental Research in Colorado Springs, Colorado. She lives high up in the Rocky Mountains in a large, custom-built home in Pike’s Peak National Forest. And folks, I’ve got to admit, I’m a little nervous. Not only because of her intellect and achievements, but…well…she is just gorgeous. Hey, I’m a guy, I can’t help it.
OK, for full disclosure, and proof I won the marriage lottery…I’m immensely proud to claim this woman as…my wife. Teri Miller.
So before I intro the clip and we all listen in to Zig, Teri…my love. We’ve recorded podcasts before, but it’s been years. This is The Ziglar Show audience’s first exposure to you.
So in this clip Teri and I are going to dig into, Zig spends three minutes fervently setting the stage. I think before he came on they must have given him a few expressos in the green room. As he shares a picture of what it’s like when a couple first meets, if your experience wasn’t just as he depicts…stick with the point:
Do you act now, with your spouse, as you did when you were courting…dating?
Do you hear that and not think it’s just not even possible? Well, I’ll tell you…we understand. Seriously. And it’s what we’re going to dig into.
Friends, as I mentioned, we’ve been married 23 years. We’ve had seven kids by birth, and now two more by adoption. I’ve had dramatic ups and downs in business and finances. We’ve built a house while popping out all these kids.
And my bride, Teri, and I are both…well, I’d say higher strung than most. Which makes things…maybe even more interesting. Our relationship often ebbs between absolutely awesome and sometimes tragically challenging. If you want a good snapshot, check out the movie, “The Notebook,” which we own because…we literally relate.
So, we’re going to listen to Zig’s clip and then…talk. Now, Teri hasn’t heard it, so this will be candid on her part.
I have listened already, of course, and pulled out some issues to discuss. If Teri and I end up in a debate, well…that happens in marriage. It’s a precious, sacred, glorious and volatile union.
Ready, then? Here we go with Zig on “Courtship After Marriage.” Again, he spends three minutes having some fun and setting the stage, then right about that three-minute mark, he drops into the crux of a massively important issue for a truly successful marriage. Here he is:
After Zig’s three minutes of setting the stage, he brings the beat way down and hits us with, Dr. George Crane, “If you find yourself falling out of love, go back and court your mate, like you did when you fell in love, and you will fall back IN love.”
We’re going to start right there, but first, I have a gift for you:
Let me read that quote from Dr. George Crane again, “If you find yourself falling out of love, go back and court your mate, like you did when you fell in love, and you will fall back IN love.”
Before we discuss the issue of courting, dating, Teri…I wanted to focus on…falling out of love. And not beat around the bush.
There are many people who have been married for a while, whether two years, 20 or 40, who could hear that and say, “I’ve never stopped loving my spouse.” But the quote then references “when you fell in love.” Talk to us about aspects, levels of love.
>> Listen to the show
So, as we often do, let’s talk more about the “falling in love” commitment — but the emotion and even the passion. We can reference our 23 years of experience, but also thinking about all the marriages we’ve experienced with other couples, the most joyful, vibrant and desirable…what place of value have you seen regarding the romantic aspects of love?
Hear Teri’s responses on the show
“Do something for your mate that they can do for themselves. If they can’t, you have a responsibility. But if they can and you do it…you are saying, ‘I love you. You’re important to me.’”
Honestly, that just gave me reason to pause and think about the things I do for you, Teri. And what is my responsibility but doesn’t necessarily say, “I love you.” I’m literally rethinking my paradigm. What comes to mind for you?
>> Hear Teri’s responses by listening to the show
So, folks, Teri is a strong woman. On one hand you would cite her as a feminist. She is overly capable, and sexism and gender stereotyping and any minimizing of women in a world where men are very much given more honor, will…well, she’s got strong feelings about that.
But Teri, on the other hand, or maybe just overlaid — You want to be taken care of in some ways. Protected. And absolutely honored and cherished.
Is there a balance or a way to define that, or is it just somewhat of a mystery, as we can’t perfectly explain all human emotion and desire?
Zig talks about making your spouse the most important person you’re with. Sitting up front in the car, as an example. Honoring is the point, don’t get caught up in the literal examples Zig uses if they don’t relate to you or you don’t agree!